One (Big, Fantastic, Life Changing) Year.

One year. 

So much can change in one year. 

I don't think I realized that before Luca came into my life. Years would pass by and while big things may have happened, it always seemed to be more of a progression. Smooth transitions from one stage to the other. Graduating. Meeting my future husband. Dating. Engagement. Marriage. Individually, those are all massive, life changing events, but together, they seemed to naturally flow from one to the next without one becoming more important or life changing than the other.

Until Luca.

This past year has been beyond challenging. As with all first time moms, I had no idea what having a baby would be like. I knew it would be tough. I knew there would be ups and downs and moments of OH MY GOD. I expected there would be love and cuddles and cute baby toes. Even with all of those reasonable expectations, I had NO CLUE what it was going to be like.

No matter what people tell you, you don't know...until you KNOW. When people tell you about how awful running on a few interrupted hours of sleep is, you think you know. But you don't. Even if you have done the odd all nighter in university and you think you know. You don't. Parenting a newborn is not just one or two all nighters. It is days upon days of interrupted sleep while you incur a sleep debt that you couldn't have even imagined. 

However, what I didn't know was that (with a few exceptions) I wouldn't mind. Waking up to feed Luca in the middle of the night didn't feel like a chore. I honestly didn't even get upset or feel exhausted when I'd hear those first little peeps out of his tiny little mouth. I'd just get up, scoop him out of his crib and settle into the rocker. (of course, trying to get him to go back to sleep - well, that felt like a chore ;-)

Sure, it would catch up with me every now and again and I'd take it out on J (sorry, sweetie), but generally, I realized very quickly that I would push myself to the limit for my sweet baby boy.

When people tell you that "it's different when it's yours", you nod 'uh huh' like you know. But you don't. I never understood why some moms seemed to get so flustered when their baby cried in front of me. "I'm so sorry!" they'd say..."this must be so annoying to you". I didn't get it, because it didn't really affect me. 

They were right - it IS different when it is yours. I had no idea that a cry from my own baby's mouth could cut me so deeply. Hearing him scream without being able to soothe him literally GUTTED me (unfortunately, this happened daily from week 3 until week 24 or so). Not being able to take away his discomfort was probably the worst feeling I could imagine until that point.

People would tell me "time flies" and "enjoy every moment". When I was in the midst of the dark days, I would roll my eyes. These were not moments to enjoy. I wanted time to fly by so that we could get to the point where Luca would laugh and smile and babble. However, now that Luca is one, I find myself staring down the end of my maternity leave with sadness. I see new moms and have to bite my tongue because I want to scream "TIME FLIES!! ENJOY EVERY MOMENT!!". Like I said. You don't know, until you know.

I thought I knew what love was. I really did. People warned me. When people said they loved their kids more than anything in the world, I naively thought to myself "what about your husband/partner? what about your parents?', thinking that there had to be a linear order to love - like you love one more than the other.

I was wrong. I was naive. I didn't KNOW because I couldn't. It may sound trite, but I now understand how I could possibly say "I would DIE for my child". Because I would. The depth of the love I feel for Luca has changed me. It has opened me up to something...I'm not sure what, but I know it is something big. I feel it in my gut when he smiles. When he laughs. When he cries. When I see him playing with his dad, I am a puddle.

So that's where I am now. I'm the mother of a one year old. A beautiful, funny, sensitive, determined, active, independent one year old.

I've been forever changed by this tiny human, and even if I think I now know, I'm pretty sure the future will teach me that I don't :-)

Happy 1st Birthday Luca!!

Happy Father's Day!

We celebrated yesterday and had a really wonderful day. Luca made sure to be in the very best mood so he could enjoy every minute with his...



Happy Father's Day!

Dressing Room Reveal...#2

So the day is finally here!! With a few minor exceptions, my dressing room is finally done!!

Although the project was not huge, it wasn't a big priority so it took a bit longer than normal. The reason it hasn't been a priority is that I don't go in there much these days. Throwing on a tshirt and jeans doesn't take a lot of time and sitting down to put makeup on? Ha.

However, I'm gearing up to return to work so I'm glad the dressing room is ready!

So here goes - remember this is what it looked like before:

And now:

There you have it!! I'm really pleased with how it turned out. Sure, I'd love it if it were more 'stylish' but it works for me and how I use it.

Here is a run-down of what was done:

1. Room was repainted. Walls and trim are both Para Paint's Chrysler Hall White (in matte and semi-gloss, respectively). Darker stripes are Benjamin Moore's "Witching Hour".

2. Desk was sent out to Paint it Like New in Burlington for refinishing. It was painted in a glossy "Chantilly Lace" by Benjamin Moore.

3. The hardware on the desk was scrubbed and polished and sworn at. They used to look like this (well, sort of - this was when I had already started cleaning):

4. Added some 3M hooks to the side of the desk to hold my curling iron and flat iron - I used to just leave them abandoned in the bottom drawer of the vanity, but of course that meant the drawer just stayed open all the time. UGLY.

5. Finally hemmed taped up the Ikea drapes.

6. Added an Ikea blind to the window so that I could leave the drapes open more often. Of course, I have no clue how much they actually block out. I'll have to ask the neighbours ;-)

7. Moved that huge mirror into the room - it isn't a permanent fixture but it is better than the old university dorm room special that was in there before.

8. Bought the stool at Home Sense. It used to look like this:

The legs were spray painted gold (although I don't love the finish of it) and I covered the seat with Dwell Studio's "Landsmeer, Currant" which I purchased from the always awesome Tonic Living.

I think that's it!! If you have any comments or questions, let me know. I probably missed something in my description.

And just in case you** think I don't have room for any more clothing, this is for you**

**YOU=MY HUSBAND :-)

Featured!

Sorry I'm late in posting this, but come on over to Simcoe Street to see what makes my house my dream home!

(PS We actually did a lot of stuff around the house this weekend - will be posting about it soon!)

Babyproofing a Victorian House

Again...if you hate reading mom/dad/baby posts, this isn't for you. If you haven't had a chance, you can read about the latest step in my fireplace makeover (ahem...DEMO!!).

Quick question for parents out there. We are at the point in Luca's growth where it is time to seriously start baby proofing.

I'm thinking about baby gates - we need two - for the top and bottom of the main staircase. Our beautiful, recently re-done staircase.

Remember?

Needless to say, if it weren't for the safety of lil' Luca, I would not be touching the stairs.

I have done a little research (I know, big surprise) and I know the trick for how to install gates without drilling into the newel post, like this:

Aside from the aesthetics of baby gates, I'm also concerned about the size of them. As you may recall, we have very narrow stairs (26-27" wide). Many of the gates we see are 28-29" on the small side. I found this KidCo Safety Gate  and it would fit, but it isn't the best looking (and it is out of stock at Babies R Us which has the cheapest price).

I came across another solution that seems to be perfect...the retractable baby gate!! They are like Phantom Screen doors, but for babies!

There is the Dreambaby Retractable Gate

...although I can't tell if it is rated for the top of stairs. It is about $100 a piece (quite expensive).

Another option is the Lascal KiddyGuard Gate

which IS rated for top and bottom of stairs. This one seems kind of perfect, but it is almost 200 each! Yikes!

What I like about the retractable gates is that when they aren't in use, they are out of the way. With our limited space, that seems to be a pretty big plus.

Anyways - I was hoping some of you moms and dads can chime in on what you used, what you liked, what you didn't, etc. Anyone with a narrow staircase that knows what I'm dealing with?

Thanks!